I just cant believe what a great Christmas Ive had. What with Ryan coming up here and everything. We've had a great time here mostly been by ourselves so yeah for that. Christmas eve we did spend at my moms. She was really surprised with her coat. Hers was really old and she don't think about stuff like that. She would just wear the same old one forever and be happy with it. But Ryan asked me what I thought she needed and first thing come to mind was the coat. It did cost a bit more than I had planned on but that's why we went halfs on it. It was really Ryan's idea to go half on it he expected me to say something about the price so he beat me to the punch the little brat.I got Ryan some jeans and a few shirts. Oh and I cant forget the sexy underwear to bad he ain't had a chance to wear it yet haha. Ryan got me some jeans and a cologne he wears that I love the smell of. He also knows how I love my West Virginia Mountaineer football team,don't even get me started on their last game with Pitt where they had a chance to go to the championship game if they beat Pitt but they choked oh well it happens. Anyway they do get to go to the Fiesta Bowl in Glendale Arizona so Ryan surprised me with tickets to the game. You know me the cash register is ringing in my head and its to much so we compromise and I'm going to buy my own plane ticket and hes getting the hotel bill and extras if they ain't to much. Ive just decided to look at this whole money no money thing and take it in stride. I do have to laugh at him sometimes he gets so aggravated at me but hes learning to compromise and I cant help but love him for that.

This morning we went up in the mountains riding around and Ryan found a nice flat spot up on top the mountain he just loved. He talked me into going camping in the middle of winter no less. Its been in the 50's here during the day so its not to bad yet. Were going to borrow my uncles camper and his lanterns and stoves and do the camping thing tomorrow night I think. Maybe stay one night or two who knows. The game in Arizona is January 2 so we have to be back in time for that. Well thats about it me and my shadow are off to get some lunch.

Hey everybody yes I am finally back online. I never knew I would miss not having a computer so much but I did. A cute little elf brought me a early Christmas present yesterday. Yes Ed it took me a little while but I did find all the right holes and make the proper connections hehe. Of course y'all know by now Ryan is spending Christmas here with me. Sure am glad I didn't move out of my apartment yet. Rent was paid till the end of the month but I may just keep it now. I want to thank everyone for the comments on my misfortune of my apartment being broken into. A town of 3000 people you would think it wouldn't happen but just goes to show your not safe anywhere. I don't think it was Josh I seen a couple comments that maybe that's what people were thinking but I just don't think hes the type of guy to do that. Ive did a lot of thinking about me and Ryan over the past months since we been apart. The whole thing I have about money and not liking it been spent on me is something I have thought a lot about. Really it just comes down to the simple fact Ryan and his family have money and if I love him enough I will accept him with or without the money. I do love him so I'm going to accept it. Sure it will take time and I'm sure we will have arguments over him wanting to spend money on me but we will work through them. One thing I know he is not buying my love as someone said to me recently. Anyway that's about it I reckon. Ryan and me are going to go to my moms and hang out there a while then go to the mall and do a little shopping. Its funny Ryan cant believe we have to drive 30 miles to get to a mall. Ill leave yall with this pic I found this morning. Speaking of omg did I ever miss my porn on the internet haha. Hope this pic ain't to naughty for everyone. All the guys doing is sitting on the other guys lap hehe

Haven't really felt like blogging lately what with school and working nites seems like all I been doing is either asleep school or work. Luckily its winter break at school so I'm catching up on my sleep now. First semester of school went real good. To be honest it was easier than I had imagined it was gonna be. I had worked it up in my head that it was going to be hard and I was to old to be starting school again but that's just me seeing the negative side of everything as usual. Anyway that's all I had to say but I do want to leave you with this video. For some reason it just reminds me of someone

I found this really cool pic online that someone had taken of my town. Their up on the mountain looking down across the river. The big buildings you see at the top is the school I go to. The white one in the middle is the athletic center. I just thought it looked cool and wanted to share. I wish it was bigger but I could say that about a lot of things haha

A few of you know this about me but most don't. You may wonder why I'm writing about it. Well usually I just accept it and don't really think about it much. Thats not to say I havn't thought about it a lot in the past just not so much anymore. If your wondering I hate to talk on the phone. Let me repharase that I am scared to death to talk on the phone. Now you know how crazy I am haha. Most people my family or friends know this about me so they just accept it and don't call or if they do I know its an emergency. Trust me when I say I have thought about this long and hard why Im this way about the phone. Im no shrink but I come up with 2 reasons that may have caused it and both make sense. First reason is when I was little we had a phone but it was drilled into the kids that your not to use it only in case of emergencies. I dont know who know this or not but my "father" was a drunken asshole. Ive written about it before on another blog but never on this one. Anyway Ive been whipped more than a few times when I was little for using the phone for what he thought was a stupid reason. So if your whipped enough you eventually learn not to touch the phone. I know someone may comment and say Mike your 22 years old its time to grow up and act like a man. Well yeah I know that and dont think Ive not tried to beat this problem and maybe someday soon I will. Okay heres my 2nd reason why maybe Im scared to talk on the phone. Only my family and certain other people know this but I have a stuttering problem. Not so bad now but when I was younger it was real bad. And you know kids how mean they can be when they see a defect in someone. So you get made fun of at school and around and you learn not to talk so much. I have the stuttering whipped now to where I only do it at the beginning of sentences but still I'm self consious about doing it and thats why I think I dont use the phone much. Like if its my family or friends I'll talk on the phone cause they know I stutter but if it rings and I dont reconize the number I wont answer. Also I never start a call I will never call anyone. They always have to call me. Anyway thats one reason why I think Im crazy. Dont even get me started about me not liking pics of me being taken thats a whole nother can of worms.

Its really weird how thing work out in life. In a previous post I had asked about you wife or husband or boy friend hitting you and how many times was OK before you left them. Little did I know but it turns out I was asking for advice for myself. Honestly I wasn't though cause "Josh" had never hit me before and I was looking for advice for a friend. Oh sure there was the I'm sorry I did that but you just made me so mad sob story. So that's the reason he went to his parents by himself for Thanksgiving. He came back Sunday and yes his shit was packed and waiting by the door for him. In baseball you may get 3 strikes but this is real life not a game. In my version of the game your allowed 1 strike and your out the door. It's really funny now that I think about it. You never really know how good you use to have it until its not there anymore. Someone spending to much money on you seems trivial to getting hit.

Well I'm not going "Josh's" parents house after all for Thanksgiving. We had a bit of a fight over something that happened on the Internet I don't want to say just what right now maybe later. He went to his parents Monday and will be up there while school is in recess which is until next Monday. Maybe I'll have a roommate maybe I wont. Who knows right now

I think I know now how nervous "Josh" was when he was about to meet my mom. Only thing is he had one day to be nervous. Were going to his parents house for Thanksgiving and I have a whole week to think about it. I am sure I wont have any fingernails left by next Wednesday. Were suppose to go up Wednesday afternoon and stay the night which I think may be an interesting situation. He says were sleeping in the same bed but I would rather not make any waves so I told him separate rooms is fine with me. I wasn't even going to go but my sister is coming in from Florida so she'll be there with my mom. We don't get along anyway so I was actually glad the trip came up.

The last few days I have been thinking about something and wanted to get some other opinions on it if y'all don't mind. Its about abuse between 2 people either your spouse or boy friend or girlfriend or family. The reason I ask is I have this friend and he recently broke up with his boyfriend. Well his ex-boyfriend has suddenly turned up and they are getting back together or so it seems. You may have guessed already but yes this ex use to hit my friend and I don't mean in a playing around way either. Like smack in the mouth punch in the stomach kind of hit. I was just curious how many times is it ok for one person to hit another. How many times before you leave him and what would make you go back to him. I know my opinion on it and once is to many times. I have been there done that. It wasn't a boyfriend hitting me but it was my "father" and I couldn't really get away from that so I took it. Now that I am an adult there is no way in hell I would let someone hit on me. Once would be enough and I would be out the door. So I was just thinking what everyone else's view on the subject is.

I had planned to take more pics than I did but it didnt work out. I did take a few before I became pissed off and said the hell with it. The reason I was pissed off is when we was up in the woods I got my truck stuck in a huge mudhole and me and "Josh" had to walk about 2 miles to my uncles house. He drove us back up to the truck and hooked to it with a chain and pulled us out. So I only took a few pics and only one of them is up in the woods. The first pic of the creek is in the woods and the other 2 is just taken along side the road.

Well I reckon it was just me thinking about all the negative stuff that could have happened at dinner last night. It was just the opposite my mom couldn't have been nicer to "Josh" she thought he was really sweet. So I guess its a good thing that my post is so short cause I don't have anything bad to say about last night. Heck we even got to bring the leftovers home with us. Nothing better than a meatloaf sandwich the next day.

Me and "Josh" are gonna be going in the woods later today. We both love getting out and riding the muddy trails. I'm taking my camera and if I see anything pretty Ill take a pic of it.

Well I should have an interesting evening tonight. My mom called yesterday and invited me and "Josh" over to dinner tonight. She said she was making one of my favorite meals to make sure I accepted. If you was wondering its meatloaf,mash potatoes,green beans and corn and homemade rolls. Anyway I felt kinda bad that she thought she would have to fix a special meal for me to come see her. I know we live in the same town and I do call her almost everyday or she calls me. Its just that between working nights and getting a few hours sleep during the day then going to classes its just hard to make the time. I'm gonna have to start making a better effort to go see more at least twice a week. I said before it should be interesting because "Josh" and my mom have never met. He's not from around here originally and she knows most everybody in town. She has asked several times before has she seen him around town and didn't even know it was him so I know she wants to see him. Its not that I don't think she will be nice to him cause I know she will its just that I got a nervous feeling about it.

Did anyone realize that Porter Wagoner died over the weekend. Im sure not everyone who reads here is a country music fan so you may not known. I wouldn't be surprised if anyone knew really cause I didn't see it anywhere on tv and just a little story about it on the internet. To me thats sad the guy was 80 years old and spent 60 plus years making great country music and I didn't hear one word on CMT about it. Maybe the did mention it but I didn't see it. CMT'S to busy kissing Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw and Faith Hills asses to notice when a real country star dies. Another thing pisses me off is I was reading he wasn't inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame until 2002 to me thats bullshit to wait till the man is 75 to do that. Anyway he had put out a new cd of all new songs just this year and was on tour promoting it when he found out he had lung cancer and passed away.

Not much going on with me today. "Josh" has an away game over in Kentucky I started to go but me following him to to many away games kind of looks suspicous so I stayed home. He'll be back later tonight probably dead tired and just drop off to sleep soon as he hits the bed. I was out earlier this morning and took a few pics of the town cause like I said Im bored.

This is a pic of a mural someones been painting under our bridge.

Well my weekend pretty much sucked big time. It consisted of me looking after a sick boyfriend and being pissed at some of his teammates. Not that I minded at all taking care of "Josh" but it was some of the guys on his team who pissed me off to no end. So "Josh" has being getting a lot more playing time because one of the starting wide receivers got hurt. If you follow football you know how hard it is for freshman to get any playing time. So hes been really excited the last 2 weeks to be playing a lot more. Hes been catching a lot of passes and even scored a touchdown which was his first for the team. So he's got something the flu or whatever but hes throwing up since Friday evening. He had called his coach and told him how bad he felt and didn't know if he'd be able to play Saturday. The coach seemed ok with it but like 2 hours later here comes 3 of his teammates over to the apartment. Their trying to lay a big guilt trip on him about sucking it up for the team and all that shit. I think they almost had him talked into playing but I cut them off and told them it was getting late they was keeping him from getting his rest if he was going to play. It was all I could do to keep from calling them selfish bastards and some other choice words. But I didn't want to sound to against him playing all one would had to say was who are you his boyfriend or something and I'd said fuck yeah and whats it to you. It was handled ok I reckon and they left without saying anything. He called his coach again and was talking to him about playing and the coach said he didn't want him playing if he was that sick so in the end it was the coach saying he wasn't going to play not "Josh". So that kept the players happy and Josh is feeling much better today he even went to class this morning so hes over it I reckon.

It felt odd coming back to my town after being away as long as I was. I had only told 2 people I was gay before I left my mom and my favorite uncle. But it seemed like when I come home people on the streets were staring a whispering. I'm sure it was me just being paranoid. I did talk to my mom and uncle and asked if they had told anyone else my little secret. I knew my mom hadn't she wouldn't even know how to bring in up in conversation to someone. My uncle told me that he had told his 2 sons their guys around my same age. We've always been really close I think of them as brothers more than cousins. I spoke to them and they said they had an idea I was gay for a long time but it was cool with them so I knew they would never mention it to anybody. So the stares and whispers are just in my head.

Its kind of funny how "Josh" came to be my roommate. He had overheard my telling a teacher how I'd like to find me a roommate and butted in and said he'd be willing to go see my place and maybe be my roommate. I was leery of him at first cause I knew he was on the football team from the guys he was hanging with. If he did come live with me and he found out I was gay it would be like 10 minutes before the whole team knew. But its not like I had pics of naked guys hanging everywhere sure theres tons of porn on my computer but its in my bedroom so I thought whats the harm. So he went and looked at my place and liked it so he was in.

First thought living with a cute guy is normally or it is to me anyway is I'd love to see him naked. I asked him how he was about seeing other guys nude and he says he sees them all the time in the locker room and didn't have a problem with it. To get to the bathroom you have to walk through my bedroom so hes walking through to the shower on several occasions and I'm looking of course. I will say he has a very cute butt and the other parts look good as well. But anyway something happened one night that made me think this dude is gay. He sleeps in the living room on one of those couches that turn into a bed. Late one night hes coming through my room to go to the bathroom. He thinks I'm asleep and I see him stop at the bottom of my bed and stand there for several minutes. So I continue to act like I'm asleep. Ive got the covers off me cause its hot and sleeping in boxers. I'm semi-hard and I reckon he sees it and all the sudden I feel him lightly touching it. He did it just for a second but it was enough to make me think he may be gay.

Now hes got me curious about him so I'm thinking I'm going to have to be sneaking and bring up the subject of being gay. I love watching the show survivor on Thursday nights and theres a gay guy on it. "Josh" watches it to so one night when its on I start asking questions. I said I wonder if any of the other guys on the show are gay. He says he thinks one of them is. I forget his name but he use to be a model and got kicked off cause he was bossy. I said how do you know hes gay and he says he can tell just by the way he acts and his voice. I said oh really and didn't say much else about it. When the show went off I said do you think I sound or act gay and he said no and wanted to know if people had said I do in the past. Then I sat there for about 5 minutes and I'm thinking what the hell I'll just tell him and if he freaks out ill bring up him rubbing my cock a few nights ago. So I say well it may come as a shock to you but I'm gay. He didn't say anything then I said I was scared to tell you cause you might s[read it around your team. He said that would be mean and he'd never do anything like that. I asked him if it bothered him that I was gay and if he wanted to move out I'd understand. He said he had no problem with it and was happy living with me. I decided not to bring up him touching me I figured if he wanted me to know he was gay he'd tell me in his own time. So about a week passes and were sitting watching TV and he just out of the blue just blurts out he was gay. He said it was the first time he had ever said it out loud and started crying. So I get up and hug him and tell him its ok hes among friends and he can be himself as much as he wants around me. I was trying to be funny so next I said by the way you owe me a feel cause I was awake the night you was touching me. He started laughing so it worked. How we became a couple it just happened slowly just sitting next to each other on the couch and I decided to kiss him and he didn't pull away. The rest I guess you can use your imagination.

Someone sent me a email and asked if I would be posting a pic of "Josh". Well that I would have to say no to. But I did ask him if it was ok if I was to send a pic of him to people I knew I could trust thru email instead of posting it on here. He said that would be ok but he wanted it to be a pic of him in his jersey. Its already on the schools website so he didnt see the harm. So if anyone was interested just email and if I know you Ill send the pic.

I was so excited about telling about me going to college I completely forgot to say what I was studying. My main study is cute boys but while in there I'm also studying history and government. Ive decided to go into the law enforcement field. Also wanted to say a little about my rehab from my accident at Ryan's. That all over and I'm as good as ill ever be i reckon. My ankle hurts a little if I'm on it much and if I go hiking in the mountains which I love to do it bothers me but I reckon its something ill just have to deal with the rest of my life. Now my roommate I mentioned in my last post. To everybody around here hes my roommate but he also happens to be my boyfriend. His name ill call him "Josh" and hes 19 and on the football team. Cute as hell but I'm prejudiced. He didn't start out as my boyfriend when he moved in but one thing led to another and well you can guess the rest. Ill talk more about him later of course.

I didn't realize i was blocking some people from commenting by not allowing anonymous comments so I fixed that. I just turned on the comment moderation so no jerks post anything.

So after I broke up with Ryan Im terribly sad of course. The morning I left Ryans I had called my mom and told her I was coming back home. She didnt have much to say other than she was glad I was coming home. Even though I was going home I had made my mind up I wasnt gonna be staying long at the house. First thing I was gonna do was talk to my uncle and see if he could get my old job back. Then I was gonna find me a place of my own either apartment or house somewhere in or around my town. So I did find me a apartment its nothing great really but its not bad either. Then I had the idea of going to school. I thought why the hell not. Its right here in town close and I had looked into getting a student loan a few years back and qualified then so why not now. So I got my student loan and now Im a freshman in college. Next post Ill tell about my "roommate" that I got me.

Hey everybody yes its me out of hiding. Not that I been hiding really I just been keeping myself busy. I thought I would start another blog. I may post on it once a week or so but I do have some stuff to say about what I been up to. But I have to run off to class now. Yes thats one new thing Im a 22 year old college freshman, dont laugh.