I been listening to this guy a lot lately. He's not a humongous country star or anything like that but he should be in my opinion. I just love his voice.

I'm sitting here watching the Nascar truck race on Speed and just got off the phone with Jay after having our first big argument. He gone to South Carolina for the weekend to visit his mom who he hadn't seen in a while. I have to work tomorrow or I would have went and if I had then the fight wouldn't have happened.

The fights totally my fault and I know it but still its hard to do anything about it. The whole thing is about me not saying those 3 little words, I love you when its said to me either over the phone or while he's going out the door. I knew it would eventually lead to a fight just didn't know when. At first he would just play it off and laugh about it when I would always say me too, whenever he would say it. Its funny cause its weird for me to even type the words,how crazy is that.

Anyways it got to the point where he was just saying I like you at the end of a phone call as a way to point out that he wasn't gonna say it if I wasn't going to,which didn't bother me but I did notice but never said anything. Tonight he said the words and I did my usual reply, me too. Then he says,"Look don't say it if you don't mean it" and then it was silent for like 5 seconds which seemed like a whole minute and when I didn't say anything he hung up. Must have been the shortest fight in the history of phone fights lol.

I shouldn't laugh about it cause it is a serious issue I have but I reckon its better than crying about it, or maybe it would be better to cry over it,who knows. The words were never said when I was younger in my family So me playing half ass shrink I would say that's where the whole thing stems from.

I'll have the problem the rest of my life if I don't do something about it and it will probably lead to ever relationship I have with a guy ending up with him just leaving. Now that I think back that may be the reason my relationship with Ryan ended the way it did, I'll have to do a lot more thinking on that. So will I call and say the words to Jay, I doubt it. I'm one hard headed son of a bitch. He's originally from South Carolina so maybe he had it planned to get in a phone fight with me while he was home and just stay there.

I seen this quote on a sign yesterday and thought it was really cool. I tried looking up who said it but seems to be by unknown, he says a lot of cool stuff


Yesterday is History,Tomorrow a Mystery,Today is a Gift,Thats why it's called the Present

In case anybody's wondering about my profile pic and why I changed it. I think most people know I hate pics of myself. I use to think I was to thin,back when that pic was taken I was 17 and even back then hated pics of me. Pics of me are kinda rare and my sister sent that pic along with a few other old ones to me the other day, Damn Ive changed now they got me thinking I'm to fat. I can't believe I'm saying this but I like the old me a whole lot better.

Hey I realized after I made my last post that I had mentioned having me a boyfriend but didn't even tell y'all his name, crazy me. His name if anybody was curious is Jayson but everybody just calls him Jay.

So about my boo boo I mentioned in my post, it hurt like hell when it happened and still sore like I been whipped with a belt.

It happened Tuesday I didn't have any classes and I was waiting at a house that were working on for a bunch of drywall to be delivered that I to sign for. Anyways truck pulls up from the place who's name I wont mention but the initials are H.D. and main color is orange. I didn't notice but the load of drywall wasn't exactly on the truck straight and I had my back turned, strap holding the load down popped and smacked me right on the ass. It left a mark even through my jeans and is really sore.



Even though its sore I'm sure it would have been much worse if Jay hadn't kissed it and rubbed lotion on it:)

Wow I can't believe I remembered the password to this blog lol. It did take me 3 tries to get it right though. Just haven't been into getting on here and writing anything down. My life is pretty boring, its just school and going home. Schools going good they ain't kicked me out yet cause of bad grades or whatever. When not going to school I'm working for Ryan's mom helping fix up houses. Its not actually working for her its for the construction company but her being in the real estate business she involved in the houses that are getting fixed up if that makes sense.

Yes if your wondering Mike does have a boyfriend. I have actually had 2 one being the guy I got now. The other guy lets just say didn't last long once I found out his bad habit of putting stuff up his nose. Luckily things didn't go far enough along with us for me to worry about anything if ya know what I mean, like in as far as me getting anything he may have had. Lets just say I didn't get fleas from the dog haha

But my guy now is certainly a keeper:) hes funny not to mention cute as a little kitten and this one definitely doesn't have fleas!! I met him at school and we being together now for about 4 months and all is great between us.

So about the title of my post Beautiful Loser, you may not know but along with country music I also love old rock music and love me some Bob Seger. Anyway I hadn't heard this song in ages but it has been in my head for about a week. So I stated listening to the song and reading the lyrics and got to wondering what the song was about, who is he describing in it. I'm not saying that I'm beautiful far from it but I read a comment on youtube that someone made about what they think the song means.

The song seems pretty simple to me. It's about a "good" man, who is considerate and kind and good ... but he is throwing away happiness with both hands, because he isn't able to be "happy" with what he has, because he thinks his goodness entitles him having it all, having everything and he doesn't understand why he doesn't have it all.
The singer pities the man, because he knows how crushing it will be for the man when he finally realizes that he's been wrong.

And it seems like it fits me somehow, I don't know maybe I'm crazy but I see myself in the lyrics. I'd like to think that I'm a "good" guy and I often wonder where being a good guy gets you in life. Look at other people who you wouldn't say are good and there is a lot of them that I would say have it all. Yeah I'm mainly referring to money and I know that's not having it all when you got tons of money but it sure don't hurt having it. A guy can be the biggest asshole in the world but if they have money other people look past the asshole part just cause of the money. Then you have the "good" guys they just get overlooked for the most part.



I don't know I reckon I'm just thinking to much. I plan writing on here more than i have been which has been hardly not at all but anyway maybe at least once a week or so, just to get things off my mind like the Beautiful Loser song that was bugging me.

I think its about time to put this blog out of its misery. Ive never liked talking about myself and to come on here and try to I hate it. I know most will say nobodys forcing me to so why not just keep the blog and do like Ive been doing and post song videos and pics or whatever else I choose. I would do that but I got the feeling that I just need a fresh start of things and deleting this blog is part of it. I also got some other things I'm going to make a fresh start with but that's personal and those involved will find out soon enough, silence is golden.

I do like having a blog to post stuff on when I feel like it so I will be starting another one to post stuff on that interests me. I'll leave this blog up until I start the new one and put the link up just in case anybody would want to check it out.

I thought this video was really cool. Its a video of my home town someone made while they was on the Amtrak that stops in town once a week. When I found it I was like wow I can't believe someone taped my little no stop light town. It was shot last October so its 10 months old but I'm sure nothing much has changed.

I been thinking a lot lately of what makes people cry. I mean you cry when you get hurt because of pain but you also cry when your happy and also when sad. Is it weird not to cry ar all?

Of course I didnt cry when my "father" died, you may think I'm a terrible person but with him the only thing I thought was wow I'm glad thats finally over with. Now heres the weird part, when my brother died I didnt cry then either. Its not like I didnt love my brother me and him was real close.

I think a lot of why I didnt show any emotion at eithers dying. The one I hated so thats natural not to cry over him but my brother is the one got me puzzled. I just wonder if I will cry when my mom dies or my uncle and his family that I'm close to?

I found this quote by Paul Newman and thought it was really cool. His movie Cool Hand Luke is my all time favorite.

"I'm a supporter of gay rights. And not a closet supporter either. From the time I was a kid, I have never been able to understand attacks upon the gay community. There are so many qualities that make up a human being... by the time I get through with all the things that I really admire about people, what they do with their private parts is probably so low on the list that it is irrelevant." - Paul Newman.

If kittens were the king of the jungle then mice would be elephants.

Please don't try to connect dots to song videos that I post with my own feelings. All the videos of singers I post, I do so because I love their voice, the way they sound. Lyrics to a song don't touch me like that to make me cry or be happy or whatever. I quit having feelings a long time ago. For the record I am doing just fine and I don't need to talk to anybody about my "problems" or "feelings".

I reckon I want to ride a bull since I'm posting this video. I would ride George Strait though haha. This is a old video of him he was hot back then and even though he's in his 50's now he's still a hot looking dude and I'd still ride him;)

Second best voice in country music ever passed away today. Only thing my "father" ever did that was worth anything was to turn me on to Vern Gosdins music. Now all thats left is Georgs Jones as far as great voices go. Weird its like losing a close relative that I cared for.


Vern Gosdin, whose country hits included the chart-topping 'Set 'em Up Joe,' 'I Can Tell By the Way You Dance (You're Gonna Love Me Tonight)' and 'I'm Still Crazy,' died at a Nashville hospital early Wednesday morning. He was 74.

According to Nashville's Tennessean newspaper, Gosdin's administrative assistant Dawn Hall said the singer suffered "a pretty bad stroke" about three weeks ago. He died peacefully in his sleep.

Born in Woodland, Ala., on August 5, 1934, Gosdin was one of country music's most hardcore traditional singers, although his musical career encompassed a variety of genres. A one-time bandmate of The Byrds' Chris Hillman, he also performed with his brother Rex in the California-based band The Golden State Boys, and later as The Gosdin Brothers.

Gosdin charted consistently throughout the 1980s, with hits such as 'If You're Gonna Do Me Wrong (Do It Right),' 'That Just About Does It' and 'This Ain't My First Rodeo.' In 1989, his Top 10 hit 'Chiseled in Stone,' co-written with Max D. Barnes, earned CMA Song of the Year honors.

An obvious influence on a new generation of country acts, Gosdin's 1982 hit, 'Today My World Slipped Away,' became a chart-topper for George Strait in 1997, and Brad Paisley's 2003 album, 'Mud on the Tires,' included his version of Gosdin's 1990 hit, 'Is It Raining at Your House.'

Earlier this year, in an interview with The Boot, Jake Owen said of Gosdin, "He's not as respected as he should be. To me, he's one of the greatest singers I've ever heard interpret a
song. He's just got this coolness about him."

Funeral arrangements for Gosdin are incomplete.

Guess what y'all

Ok give up,Ill tell you. I ended up going to the Nascar race after all yesterday. It kind of happened all of the sudden like. I was thinking I was going to watch it on TV but about 8:30 yesterday morning I get a knock on the door.

Of course I'm shocked a bit about who it is, It was Corey and that parts not shocking cause he comes to visit all the time, but he had company and it was Ryan.

He's waving a ticket in his hand and tells me guess what, your going to the race with us. I said no I'm not I'll watch it on TV. He says that makes no sense a Nascar race only 30 miles away and you love Nascar but you going to watch it on a damn 20 inch TV.

I wont go into the argument but we get into a good one and finally he says well if you don't want the ticket I'll just rip it up and I don't even care that it cost 80 bucks. I know he would of torn it up to cause he's that way. He said whether you go or not I'll have spent 80 bucks on you so you just as well get off your pride horse and go.

So I went and had a great time, I enjoyed the race my driver Kasey Kahne came in 7th and it looked like he had a chance to win for a while but oh well.

I may have had to good of a time but only time will tell on that. You ever do something and soon as it's done you think, why in the hell did I just do that.

The path to true happiness is:

Having something to do

Having someone or something to love

Having something to hope for.

So far I strike out in all 3 but who knows what the future holds, more of the same maybe, or not.

I just found this link to the new movie Milk, the one Sean Penn just won an Oscar for. Just think you could be one of the first to have it. It don't release till March 10 but there taking orders for it now.

I had a chance to go to a Nascar race this weekend but had to turn it down. Their racing in Hampton which is not far from where I'm staying. Corey invited me, the whole family was going.

I can't see myself going to the race as much as I wanted to go and them paying for it. Corey was even trying to talk me into going by telling me he was paying for it himself but I know better.

It would probably been odd being at the race anyway cause Ryan and his boy friend was going to be there. Don't get me wrong I'm happy for them and every thing but I do think it would be awkward, not that I would ever do or say anything its just a funny feeling i have.

It's OK really cause I can still watch it on TV.

Did y'all ever think about when you was a kid what you wanted to do when you were grown. Like most kids would say fireman,policeman, doctor or teacher that type of stuff.

I reckon every kid probably did, that's is except me. I been doing a lot of thinking about when I was little and I honestly cant remember ever saying or even some one asking me what I wanted to be.

I don't even have a clue what I would have answered back then. There was no policeman in the holler I lived in. Only police was the state police and they never came up there. Same with a fireman I never seen a fire truck unless I went into town.

Maybe that's why I'm so fucked up now cause I never had a clue even at a young age what I wanted to be.

Now I'm just a mid 20's just started college stuttering mess.

Guys I'm sorry for not getting on here sooner and letting you know whats up with me. I just honestly ain't been in the mood. All my free time from school I use to try and get traffic to my other two blogs.

I'm embarrassed also to come on here and tell you this but I don't have a damn job yet down here. Well that's not true cause I had 2 and they didn't work out. I don't know if I ever mentioned it on here but I stutter and quite bad around new people which sucks cause that's all there is down here.

Anyway both the jobs were in the mall and having to talk to people, customers and whatever. I had bad feelings they wasn't going to work out from the get go. I hate to speak bad of young people but they can be smart asses. One of the jobs was in a kids store as a sales person, it lasted 2 days. A kid heard me stuttering while talking to his mom and afterwards I seen him making fun of me. I didn't say anything just tucked my tail between my legs and quit the next day.

Next one was in a cloths store it went basically the same way except the smart ass was a 20 year old punk and I lost my cool and shoved him and quit before I got fired.

So that's what I been up to,I'm fucking depressed as hell cause I'm down here more or less mooching off Ryan's family cause I got no more money to pay for rent or utilites. Shes offers me money I'm to ashamed to take it. I'd go back home but if I did I'd only hear I told you so's and I so had my mind set to make it down here I cant give up yet.

I'm making a little money from my 2 blogs but still cant get the traffic to them that I should. Its usually around 125 a day but they expect it to be at least 500 or more.

You may noticed I cleared all my side bars of google and amazon ads. I'm going to try a new company and see if I can make money from them. They got a lot of name brand company they sell for and some cool stuff.

I was wondering if y'all was to be interested in buying stuff, what would it be like electronics or toys or whatever. If you give me an idea maybe I can find a company and place it on the blog.

I'm going to try to start writing on here more. I know I promised before but I mean it this time. I want to try to start getting more traffic to here and a main way is to keep writing. Its just hard when your life's a fucking mess, you don't really feel like writing about it.

I'll tell ya how schools being going later. I don't want to tell everything in one post and not have anything to say later lol.

Hey guys no classes for me today so yeah for me. I just been messing around on the internet. I posted on my sports blog I have a little while ago and gonna post on the other one later. I wanted to ask a favor about them but first wanted to tell about how schools being going. I'm actually loving it which surprised me because you know how I am always thinking the worst is going to happen. Ive seen quite a few guys who I would guess are gay, quite a few to me is 5 coming from small town WV that's a lot lol. Anyway I may be wrong but they are worth keeping my eye on:)The guy Jordan who I helped has called me almost everyday since I met him which is cool with me. I don't mind at all. He has said a few times if I mind him calling and I keep telling him no. I finally got me a tv, its not that big 27 inchs and I got it cheap because its not HD which I don't need. Hell I still remember not so long ago when we had a old tv with dials and you got up to turn it so anything with a remote and I'm a happy camper. I been spending a lot of time with Corey, we been going to the mall a lot and hes showing me around town, showing me the ropes I guess you could say. Ive pretty much settled in,all I need to do is find me a job. Ryan's mom says not to be in any hurry and concentrate on my school work but I hate not paying my way so Ill have a job soon.

I had mentioned my other 2 blogs earlier and I wanted to ask a favor. I know some of y'all read Ryan's blog also so if you see he has posted something about my blogs on his blog its because I mentioned it to him and he said he was going to. He has a lot more people come to his blog so I think him saying something will help more than me. The favor I wanted to ask is if y'all would link my 2 blogs to yours if you have one and start visiting them regularly. I'm trying to get into the top 10 in traffic,the tenth place blog gets 570 visitors a day. Right now all I get is about 25 visitors a day on average so I know that's asking a lot and its a big jump to 570 but I was going to try anyway. The number one blog if you was wondering gets 2,900 visits daily so that's way out of my league but I maybe could get close to 570 with you guys helping. Even if I don't make top 10 it would be cool to see how close I can get. If y'all can help in any way Id appreciate it a lot and if you cant that's cool to we can still be buddies:)

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I know yall probably think I am crazy switching back and forth from blogging to not and then making my blog invite only and now obviously its back to everyone seeing it. Well yeah I am crazy or think I am sometimes anyway. But I thought all night about switching to invite and the more I did it didnt sit well with me. The internet is a free place dammit and Im not going to hide what I got to say. I will keep the comment moderation on though so as to keep the butt holes from having their 2 cents. Those who did ask for a invite thanks a lot for being interested enough in what I have to say to ask for one. I got a lot of emails of support also and thanks for those as well. I did write a few people back but to be honest thanking people for supporting me and liking me is like pulling teeth. Ive never taking a compliment well and I have a hard time giving people compliments. Ive always been that way I reckon its because of not hearing many growing up so I dont know how to take them. But I do appreciate all the kind words from everybody even though I didnt personally email you. I was going to go into how school is going today but I dont really have time because I made plans with Corey to get breakfast then go to the mall. I will update yall on school tommorow though. So Im back for everyone to see and read even the old farts out there:)

I know nobody can read this post but I figure if you come to check out my blog and get the sign in page you will have figured out I switched to approving readers. I'm not sending anybody any invites I just don't want it to look like I am so full of myself that y'all would want to come see what I'm blogging about. So if you see the page I hope you will ask for a invite by sending me a email. If not I reckon I wont have any readers lol.

I hate that it looked like I was quitting and letting some asshole get the better of me. I'm tougher than that so yeah I'm back. Ill be back tomorrow to tell how school is going got to run now.

Y'all probably seen the comment on my last post that I'm going to be talking about. If you didn't here it is made by anonymous Quite the imagination you got there. I never intended to ever have a blog. I just signed up to blogger one day because I was lonely in my little small town and was looking for other gay people around my age. None of the people who read my blog now were around back then. This is I think my fourth blog,I deleted 2 others when my sister in Florida found them on the internet. This is also my second blogger account, I deleted the other because of my sister also. Ryan is using the third blog I started and this is my fourth. Like I said I never intended to start a blog but I found Ryan on blogger and he talked me into making one. He said it would help me to get over my shyness if I write my feeling down. So I did and to be honest its hard for me to put my feelings into words thats why y'all see me skip several months at a time without posting. The first 2 blogs were real personal stuff about growing up with a drunk for a "father" and being beat on a regular basis and watching my mom being beat on. My brother dying of a drug over dose and the hate I had and still do for my "father." How glad I was when he died and that kind of stuff. Stuff that was really personal and difficult for me to write but I did because it did make me feel better after i got it out. I don't write stuff like that anymore because I got to the point where it felt like I was whining about it and I told myself to grow up.


So I say all what I just said to tell whoever thinks I have a "great imagination" I wish it was just all my imagination. When I get people saying I'm making stuff up well then its time to call it done I think. I don't know if it was a regular visitor to my blog or just a random stranger. I would like to think it was a stranger because all the people who visited my blog I think I know their names from comments and would hope they believed in me enough to know I wouldn't be making shit up. Just for the record I have never made up a single thing on any of the blogs Ive ever had. Now with that said Ill say so long and if anybody wants to keep in touch with me feel free to email at MikeyP21@inbox.com. I am going to continue to write on the 2 blogs I started over at Today.com, after all they aren't personal and I cant be making the stuff up. The 2 links are below and so I reckon Ill be saying so long now.

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Well my first day of classes was Friday and while I had worried about how it would go I didn't really have anything to worry about. It went really well to my surprise. I have visions of me oversleeping and wrecking on the way to school among other worries. I think I thought of any bad thing that could happen to me haha. Y'all may not know it about me but I am always early wherever I go or whatever I do. So I was 30 minutes early to class and had some time to kill, I went and got a coffee which I never drink and sure didn't need as nervous as I was already. As I was sitting on a bench drinking it I hear yelling and loud talking around the corner from me. So I go around the corner and I see these 3 guys and one of them has a guy backed up against the wall real close to him and yelling. I hear what hes yelling and its about this other guy being gay. Hes saying they don't want fags here and he said some other college in the city I didn't catch the name but he said that's the queer school where you need to be. All the guy he was yelling at was saying back to him was leave me alone,I'm not bothering you. So I reckon I am about to make enemies at school right off the bat but want gonna stand by and let this redneck push this guy around. The redneck wasn't that big so I figured I could probably take him if I had to. The guy he was calling gay was real small not short but skinny. So I yell from about 25 feet away hey dude whats your problem. He says he don't have one and if I know whats good for me I'll shut up before I had one. Now Ive walked up to him and were like 6 feet apart from each other. He says what are you a queer lover and I say what if I am or better yet what if I am gay you want to jump me like your jumping this guy that's about 100 pounds lighter than you. He says your not gay I can tell but listen to this fruit he sounds like a woman,hes gay as a 2 dollar bill. So hes pissing me off real good. I tell him best thing him and his 2 buddies can do is walk away. His 2 buddies didn't seem that bad. They was telling him to come on and lets go Joe, rednecks name was Joe I reckon. Anyway he wont move on so I tell him something Ive heard my uncle tell guys before he starts kicking ass I say you best move on or I'm gonna stomp a mudhole in your ass and walk it dry dude. So one of the other guys starts pushing him up the street and hes cussing and stuff but at least hes gone. The guy being picked on is left standing there and I know hes embarrassed and hes about to cry. So I say are you ok and he says yeah and thanks me. We walk back up to the bench where I was sitting and sit down. He told me his name is Jordan and hes from Atlanta, he was really cute. I didn't ask his age but he looked at 20 I think. After talking to him I could see what made Joe the redneck pick on him. He has a voice that sounds a little feminine. He told me he hates his voice and ever since about age 13 its been hell for him and he trys not to speak to anyone if he doesn't have to. He said Joe didn't go to school there but hes known him since high school and just happened to run into him on the street. Which is good cause I would hate to have a class with the asshole. I gave Jordan my number and told him to call me if he ever runs into Joe again. He laughed and didn't take me serious I didn't think but I was totally. I reckon Ive got me a new little friend which is cool with me. Sorry for rambling on and I didn't even tell how class went haha. They went good,Ill have more to tell later including a cute teacher I got my eye on who looks like Brad Pitt:)

I don't really know what I mean by nervous,its kinda hard to explain. I'm in a new place and its a whole lot bigger. I'm by myself more or less,I know theres others here but still yet I think of myself as alone. I reckon you can call it homesick. I was going to go to the mall and look around to see if anyones hiring but I talked myself out of it. Corey was going to go with me but something come up and he couldn't and after that I talked myself out of it. I still get sort of nervous going into the city by myself but Ill get over it with time. It don't hurt to have Corey come with me the first couple times.

I wanted to mention something else. If y'all remember about a month ago I wrote about signing up to a site where they pay you to write blog posts. If you remember it was 1 dollar a post of 100 words or more. One post a day is all they pay for but you can make as many a day as you want. Well to update everybody I got my first 30 dollars added to my paypal the other day. It was actually 32 dollars the 2 dollars extra was for traffic that came to my blog. I know 30 bucks ain't much to most people but its a tank of gas to me and only take about 15 minutes out of my day and it ain't like I got time to kill anyway. Also after 30 days and 30 posts they let you do a second blog if you want so I'm going to be starting another one soon. My first one is on sports and I think my next will be something about the entertainment business like tv or celeb news like that. I know there is only about 10 people come here and read my blog but I was wondering if any of you had any ideas of how I could bring more traffic to the sports blog I have. I'm not really that good at that kind of stuff,heck all I really know how to do is turn my computer on and mess with the template on a blog a little after that I'm lost. Any ideas you guys have I would appreciate. Here's the link to my blog if y'all want to check it out. Also heres the link to the place to sign up if anybody wanted to make a little extra cash.

Today.com

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Well look who made it to Atlanta safe and sound and in one piece, little ole me. I didn't have any trouble getting down here I just hate driving such long distances with no one else in the truck. But like I said I made it. Left on the 1st at about 5 am and with stopping a few times I got down here about 3 in the afternoon. Of course there was Corey waiting on me at the house to welcome me lol. He helped me unload all my stuff which didn't take long. I am glad he was around though because in the move I somehow jostled my computer and it wouldn't work at first but he took the side off and found something loose and plugged it in and worked good as new. I wanted to go see my school so we went into the city and he showed me where it was. He'd already figured out the quickest way to get there from the house. Classes don't start till the 9th so I just been getting use to the place around here a bit. I don't have a TV yet so that sucks but Corey let me know I can come up to the house anytime and watch up there. My favorite football the Dolphins is playing today at 1 so I'm going up to watch it. I don't want to make a nuisance of myself so Ill be getting me a TV real soon. My uncle gave me a little money to help me out till I found a job so Ill use some of that to find me a cheap one. No time to go to the mall and look at cute guys before the game so I reckon Ill just hang out here till one.